Some thoughts...
Nov. 26th, 2007 01:19 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
lady_flamewingBear with me, friends-listers, I just had some thoughts to put down. Feel free to skip this entry, if you'd like.
In fact, let me even LJ-cut it for you guys. Read if you'd like, but it will be completely fandom-non-related.
A good number of my friends, recently, have been talking to me about things that have happened to them. Not recent things, all of them, but painful things nonetheless. And it's made me think about my own life, and where I've come from to get where I am. And there's really only one conclusion I can draw:
I have to count my blessings.
That may sound strange to anyone who knows me, because I'll be the first to admit that I went through a lot of shit to get where I am. And at the same time, it may not sound strange at all to anyone who knows me well, because my policy recently has been to look forward, not back. The way I figure it, I don't gain all that much from dwelling on the past, and much more from looking into the future, so why not take the path that's easiest to live on? Or something.
But I've been there. I have. And I know that a lot of my friends don't believe me when I say that, because they didn't know me then. But I know. I was there, in that place where there's nothing but pain. That place where everything hurts, and all you feel is anger: at yourself, at the people who are hurting you, at the world. I've kept only one true friend from my time there, and he can tell you. He knows.
And it's okay now. I'm in a better place.
That's not to say that this is a call for my friends to do the same, because I know that's unfair. I know I can't apply my own situation to anyone else. And that's not at all what this is.
I got out because I had someone to listen. At the start, I only had one: the aforementioned friend. But as I moved on, I found more and more people to talk to, more and more people who were willing to stand beside me, a strong presence at my side or a supporting hand at my back. They pulled me through, more than anything, by showing me that I was worth something, by giving me a safe place to return to, time and time again.
And so I'm extending that same hand that was once held out to me. I want to help you through. I want you to know that you can talk to me, whenever, wherever, about anything in the world.
I know that I can be hard sometimes: all sharp angles and biting wit. But I've also got these nice, broad shoulders for you to lean on, or cry on, or throw a couple of good punches at when the going gets tough.
There will be times I have nothing to say, times that I can't give you advice, because I've never been through exactly what you're going through. But I am always going to be there to give you a safe place to cry, to scream, to rage, to have someone who will hold you tightly and tell you that everything's going to be okay. Because I honestly believe that it will.
So, please, let me be there for you. Let me care for you. And you know who you are, because I'm not at all shy about whether or not I love someone.
Call out for me, and I'm going to be there. To take your hand, or kiss your hurt away, or simply walk beside you and keep you company. Always. I promise.
In fact, let me even LJ-cut it for you guys. Read if you'd like, but it will be completely fandom-non-related.
A good number of my friends, recently, have been talking to me about things that have happened to them. Not recent things, all of them, but painful things nonetheless. And it's made me think about my own life, and where I've come from to get where I am. And there's really only one conclusion I can draw:
I have to count my blessings.
That may sound strange to anyone who knows me, because I'll be the first to admit that I went through a lot of shit to get where I am. And at the same time, it may not sound strange at all to anyone who knows me well, because my policy recently has been to look forward, not back. The way I figure it, I don't gain all that much from dwelling on the past, and much more from looking into the future, so why not take the path that's easiest to live on? Or something.
But I've been there. I have. And I know that a lot of my friends don't believe me when I say that, because they didn't know me then. But I know. I was there, in that place where there's nothing but pain. That place where everything hurts, and all you feel is anger: at yourself, at the people who are hurting you, at the world. I've kept only one true friend from my time there, and he can tell you. He knows.
And it's okay now. I'm in a better place.
That's not to say that this is a call for my friends to do the same, because I know that's unfair. I know I can't apply my own situation to anyone else. And that's not at all what this is.
I got out because I had someone to listen. At the start, I only had one: the aforementioned friend. But as I moved on, I found more and more people to talk to, more and more people who were willing to stand beside me, a strong presence at my side or a supporting hand at my back. They pulled me through, more than anything, by showing me that I was worth something, by giving me a safe place to return to, time and time again.
And so I'm extending that same hand that was once held out to me. I want to help you through. I want you to know that you can talk to me, whenever, wherever, about anything in the world.
I know that I can be hard sometimes: all sharp angles and biting wit. But I've also got these nice, broad shoulders for you to lean on, or cry on, or throw a couple of good punches at when the going gets tough.
There will be times I have nothing to say, times that I can't give you advice, because I've never been through exactly what you're going through. But I am always going to be there to give you a safe place to cry, to scream, to rage, to have someone who will hold you tightly and tell you that everything's going to be okay. Because I honestly believe that it will.
So, please, let me be there for you. Let me care for you. And you know who you are, because I'm not at all shy about whether or not I love someone.
Call out for me, and I'm going to be there. To take your hand, or kiss your hurt away, or simply walk beside you and keep you company. Always. I promise.
